Balancing act

In Anna, San Francisco on March 31, 2010 at 12:40 am

Haas Business School

Haas Business School at UC Berkeley is one of the most sought after business schools in the world (yes, world. Not just the country). It’s an appropriate setting for me to ponder what I’m doing with my future. You see, I’m currently on sabbatical from my graduate program at Georgetown University, another prestigious school. And I got an email this morning, informing me that the year-long leave of absence I took to move out to SF was coming to an end. You can imagine my shock.

I cannot believe I’ve lived in SF for almost an academic year, but I guess I have… I’m not quite ready to leave. Don’t ask me why because I’m not sure I can explain it myself. It’s not as if I’m blissfully happy here. Yes, I am happy and I enjoy living in the Bay, but did I get that feeling of coming home that I had when I arrived in DC? No. Are my best friends here in SF? No. And yet…I’m not ready to leave just yet.

I talked to my Assistant Dean about extending my sabbatical another year (which is a major exception they’re making for me, I might add. It’s tough enough to get approved for one leave of absence. Having two years off is down right unheard of) and she seems amenable to helping me out. But then what? I move back to DC and finish out my program? Transfer to another school (maybe somewhere in Europe)? Drop out entirely?? I honestly have no clue. I feel as if I’m in the midst of a quarter-life crisis, which (I can assure you) feels as absurd as it sounds. I don’t like not having my life planned out, but I think I’m going to have to buckle down and wait this one out. I’ve been praying for guidance and to be shown what I’m truly meant to do and I think I’m headed down that path. I just wish I had a map to know where it is I’m going.

  1. Anna! You don’t have to decide the next 10 years of your life in these 10 minutes. Fraser always says that to me to calm me down when I’m having these moments. (Did it work? No? I doesn’t for me, either.)

    I hope you’re able to work something out with your Dean – it sounds like she wants to help. If you can get your sabbatical extended for one more year, that sounds like it’d be a good place to start. I, for one, am very against the idea of you leaving for DC. Especially since the berkeley transfer situation is looking promising for me. How fun would that be…?!

    Hugs, girl. I know it’s a tough decision.

  2. If you had a map for your life, you’d be God 😛 Don’t feel alone in your search for fulfillment because EVERYONE experiences it — I know people in their 50’s who are still trying to figure out what their life is about and what their next step is going to be.

    I’ll keep praying with you, and hopefully soon one of us will hear back 🙂

  3. Thanks you guys! I’m trying not to freak out; to take it one day at a time, but it’s hard for me. I don’t like feeling adrift (I’m just a wee bit of a control freak. Haha). But I will be sure to keep you posted as I figure things out!

    @Lindsay – that is FANTASTIC news about the impending transfer to UCB! Keeping my fingers crossed that it all works out! 🙂

  4. You made me laugh when you referred to your quarter life crisis. I’m one of those ancient people in their 50’s that Rachel referred to who are also trying to figure out what the right next step is. Just know that prayers aren’t always clearly answered, but make the leap of faith that whatever your decision, it was made with divine guidance, and don’t second guess it. When you look back later, you’ll see that it came together like it was supposed to.

    • Thanks, Cindy! I really appreciate the advice and will reread your comment whenever I second guess my decisions (which will probably be a lot). I hear you’re in DC visiting Kimberly. Have fun this weekend and enjoy the cherry blossoms!

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